Don’t those sound just yummy!
Giggling or offended? See, if you have been reading this blog for a while, you know that I take great offense when food is surrounded by quotes. Like dairy and pasta free ‘Mac and Cheese’ or meatless “Chicken” stir fry. So when I came up with this recipe, I was not about to call them “Meat” Balls. They are not meat! They are made with tempeh. Since they are definitely balls, I thought, Hey now, why not throw the Tempeh up in the title ’cause that’s what their made of and put Testicles in quotes ’cause they certainly aren’t real testicles but they are balls. So there you have it, Tempeh Testicles, and wouldn’t you know that I devoured the lot of them quick as can be. Ravenous I was 
I did save a couple for my delightful brand shiny new assistant Tova to try. Tova loved them too and we totally high fived on the name. I have a feeling Tova and I will get on real well.
Now on with the show. These are the closest thing I can think that work like real meatballs. You know that I don’t throw soy around my kitchen senselessly but when I do eat it, it will be in a fermented form- such as the case with tempeh. (Read more on tempeh here). I have seen many recipes that use tempeh in pasta but it is left in whole chunks and just cooked with the sauce. Somewhere in my genius creative cooking soul (ok… maybe just creative), I saw before me a block of tempeh and wanted to see what would happen to the consistency if I threw it in the food processor. Low and behold, I got ground tempeh! (Were I really a genius, I would have known that would happen). It ground up into little bits, I threw it in a bowl and mixed in the usual meat ball stuff.
Just kidding! I spared myself the egg, ketchup and bread crumbs and instead mixed in a little ground flax, some almond butter, some herbs and spices, a little starch and I had some sweet ball ready mixture in my hot little hands. This goes wonderfully delicious with Grandma Meghan’s Secret Tomato Sauce but would also be deeelicioso in a wrap or on a salad for a little dosage of protein and flavour. Give these tasty testes a go and see what you think. Please note: If you are serving them to young children, I urge you to change the name.
Tempeh Testicles
Prep Time: 5 minutes
Cook Time: 15 minutes
Keywords: bake appetizer entree dinner lunch dairy-free gluten-free sugar-free vegan vegetarian tempeh whole food
Ingredients (8-10)
- 1 package of tempeh
- 1 clove of garlic, minced
- 1/4 cup onion, finely chopped
- 1 Tbs almond butter
- 1 Tbs flaxseeds, ground, + 1/4 cup of water (mixed thoroughly as egg replacement)
- 1/4 cup parsley, chopped
- 1 Tbs dried basil
- 1 Tbs dried oregano
- 1/2 tsp sea salt
- 1 Tbs arrowroot flour
- 1 Tbs water (or as needed to make batter stick)
Instructions
Process tempeh in a food processor or chop finely to resemble a ground meat-like thing.
Mix in with all other ingredients.
Roll in to balls and place on parchment paper lined baking sheet.
Bake at 350 for 15 mins.
Allow to cool.
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Giggled for sure! haha
Haha – laughs and eats, my fave combo
They look delicious!
This made my morning! Definitely giggling. And they look delicious!
OH YUM! The name alone.. hahahaha! No worries, someone pointed out that I have an X rated butternut squash pic on my blog right now. Didn’t even notice!
These look great! Thanks for sharing!
Okay, now I have to ask: What type of camera to you use? I’ve photographed food before, but it’s so tricky to make it look remotely tasty, much less beautiful. Your photos make me leave lick marks all over my work computer screen. Seriously, you could take a picture of a cat turd rolled in shredded coconut and make it look appetizing!
tell us more about the new assistant!! and by the way… will see you IRL in January!
Oh Meghan, you bring me so much joy. Nothing like a good giggle about testicles in the morning!!!
Can’t wait to try these!!
I don’t care what you call ‘em, they look great to me! (And won’t be serving them to little kids!)
Looks delish! I just remembered I had something similar at a restaurant once – mini tempeh ‘testicles’ (ahem
) flavoured with indian spies. I think there was probably cumin, coriander and turmeric in there at least. Anyway, they were delicious in a satay sauce. Might be a nice variation to try!
Love the name
And the recipe! Definitely on my to-make list!
Your dirty sense of humour always makes my day!
I have tempeh in the fridge just waiiiiting to get out … so tempeh “testicles” are being added to pasta night this week!
Did you go there?
Your “testicles” left me “offended”…Oh gosh no, definitely giggling….
I have yet to work successfully with tempeh…does it taste slightly moldy when raw? Cause I’ve bought like three packages in my life and threw them all out before cooking because they smelled and tasted mouldy…
Maybe it’s just me but I let out more of a hearty laugh rather than giggle. Does this mean I’m more immature? Oh well.
For me as well, soy is mostly not welcome in my kitchen, although I do have tempeh occasionally. Who knows if I’m right but I say soy and fermented soy are in no ways equal. Luckily I usually have a package of tempeh in my freezer for those rare occasions that I want to use it. So I will definitely be giving these “testicles” a go! And I’ll be happily laughing the whole time making them.
I am having me some testicles tonight! YUM!!!
megs, have you heard or tried natto. it is sticky fermented soy beans leave a lasting impression. dunno if you can get it in canada. the taste grows on you sort of like fungus. let me know.
also, do you think you could use chia insted of flax for the egg replacer? never tried it but it is a thought. flax and i are not homeboys.
love
e
Hi Meghan,
This is my first time commenting on your blog, but I always enjoy reading your posts.
I like tempeh too and look forward to trying this recipe.
One question: I usually buy tempeh frozen and many recipes call for it to be steamed before using. Should I steam the tempeh first, or just thaw it and throw it in the FP?
Thanks,
Jo
You have a thing for putting food names and “balls” together.
I notice that the National Post version has them as “balls”. I’m not sure they could get away with calling them “testicles”. I like the note about changing the name for children.
How do you carry these around?
G’Day from down-under!
Mmmm.. we love testies in Australia. Haha. Meghan, what is the purple “pasta” looking food the sauce and testies are served on?
xx
Just let it thaw on it’s own. I’ve never seen a recipe that asked for steaming first.
Hahaha! If Tempeh Testicles weren’t alliteration, I would have gone with Nards!
I cannot wait to make myself some testes.
OMG! I just bought tempeh yesterday. Sounds like I have an irreverent lunch on the way!
These tantalizing testicles were a part of my Thanksgiving meal! I made half the mixture into balls and half into a mini-loaf.
Turned out so well!! There will be pics up on the blog tomorrow
tried these tonight. tweaked the testicles a bit – added grated carrots! it worked! froze some for later. will make sure to try to make the tomato sauce to pair. love it. thanks so much for this.
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The worst thing you can do with a food photo is use a flash. I just put the plate near the window, hit the macro button and snap away. My camera is a 6 year old cannon elf- nothing special at all.
Then my work here is done!
Yep! They sure do
Technically they are. That’s the good part.
I am not sure the chia would have the same binding function that flax seeds do. Never know until you try it!
In ball sack of course!
Brown rice Soba Noodles. My faves and a rare treat.
Awesome! We just need a name better than ‘loaf’. Package maybe?
“tweaked the testicles a bit” LOVE IT!!!